We have a 14 year old Airedale, Hannah. And right now, Hannah is teaching me about “un-selfconscious aging.”
Unselfconscious aging? What is that? Today, everywhere you look there are ads meant to keep women worrying about the appearances of aging: about greying hair and about wrinkles. We are told to color our hair so people will not know we are aging. But when I was still coloring my hair, I felt that it gave me an artificial look that actually made me look, in my opinion, older not younger. And the wrinkles? I had a wonderful great aunt, Aunt Mildred, and when I first saw my wrinkles in the mirror, I smiled because they reminded me of Aunt Mildred, her love and her laughter. But that's another story for another time.
My dog, Hannah, doesn't have any self consciousness about her aging. Her hearing is off, and when you call her name, she may or may not hear you, and if she hears you, she may have to turn her head in every direction to determine where the sound came from. Then there is a wonderful “ah ha” moment when she realizes where my voice came from, and she comes trotting happily to greet me. No apologies; just wonderful joyous excitement.
Sometimes she is incontinent. She does not stress about this, even though she was the cleanest dog we have ever had and the easiest to house train. Maybe she doesn't remember it, or if she does, she acts as though it’s no big deal. Why bother? It's out there where we can all see it. What's done is done.
Indeed, the past is gone, so forget it. Dogs can teach us a lot about living in the moment. Hannah doesn't have a single moment of shame, of self-recrimination, of apologizing, of running herself down. She comes to me with all the pride and self-confidence she has always had.
Indeed, aging doesn't seem to bother her, but she does seem to be aware of her aging. That sounds contradictory, but it is very obvious.
For example, eight years ago, she took over leadership of our pack from Holly, one of our Airedales who went to live with another family. She took her role as matriarch very seriously. Neither of the other dogs fooled with Hannah. They paid attention to her and did what she expected them to do. She made no fuss about it. She didn’t seem to make demands. The other two dogs acted as though they were doing something they were expected to do. And they did it joyously.
Then came a day when she just as obviously turned her duties over to Neisha, the middle dog. Well, Hannah turned all but one of her duties over to that dog. The duty she kept was signaling us whenever either of the other dogs wanted to go out. She was taught to do that by Holly while she was still a puppy, and for 14 years, she has always told us when any dog, resident or visitor, has needed to go out.
Hannah shows us in many different ways what it means to age gracefully and joyfully. These lessons seem to be: Smile often: that’s Hannah wagging her tail. Be optimistic: Joy sparkles in her cloudy eyes. Be positive: Hannah has some joint issues and other issues of aging but you never hear a complaint from her. She remains an important member of our household. She has her fair share of aches and pains. But she never lets on. She sleeps endlessly, but when she wakes up, she is alert and active and demanding. She may be elderly, but she never refuses to do anything. And she can keep up with the others when they run out into the yard. She is old but she is alive, and alive is good and very very good.
Hannah can be very demanding: She knows what is her due -- her dinner, her water bowl, her petting -- and she makes it clear when she needs any of these things. However, she never complains. Her frailties do not interfere with her life or with our relationship with her. Yes, I am more aware of her needs; Yes, I take special care of her. Yes, I do a lot of research to understand what supplements will help her. And yes, we do what she needs to have done. She never demands. And if we are slow or don't do something when she asks for it, she never complains.
There is so much grace in her aging, and as I watch her age, I am more aware of what I can be. Aging does not stop our lives. Aging opens up new worlds, new wonders, new possibilities to us at a time when we no longer have all the obligations and responsibilities of our prior years. Yes, joints might ache; our appearance has changed; but Hannah has taught me that aging gives us the gift of being exactly who we are.
Ch. Loves Stirling Sweet Justice aka "Hannah" June 10, 1996 - May 18, 2011
